In one round a lifetime

How many things can one do in a round, and how does it change the feel of the game?  I am playing OD&D this week, running through Thracia with the amazing d4 hp magic-user, and I love being able to attack twice from range (if I don’t move).   The OD&D rules for actions, fresh from wargaming, are odd and a touch fiddly.

If we look at the action economy of a few different games, trad games tend to have more actions per round, and OSR games have fewer actions (for B/X based games like Shadowdark, 1 action and 1 move).  I originally assumed this was a simplicity/aesthetic thing: OSR games made combat simpler so that less of the game was spent doing it.  Combat is a fail state, yadda yadda. 

By contrast, trad games have 2-3 actions (bonus actions, reactions, pre-actions, alteractions, underactions, etc) because acting more often is fun (for the individual) and “heroic” because one person can make a bigger difference!  Yawn.  Let me know when your turn is over and I will stop playing Candy Crush or something.

But this post over at Fail Forward made me realize that simpler combat had its origins in hireling and henchman play.  In B/X and OSE, unlike in Shadowdark, you are expected to hire help in the dungeon.   You are supposed to surround the monster and wail away on it as a crowd in D&D and AD&D 1e.  And if every PC and NPC with a sword has an action, bonus action, reaction, free action, etc. it gets unmanageable quickly.   Instead, each individual is simple to run (1 attack/spell, 1 move), and smart/rich/charming players manage multiple NPCs alongside their PC starting at level 2. 

So rather than see the old-school action economy as distinct from the trad action economy, it’s really the same.  Nimble gives each player three actions.  If a player has one henchman, Old School Essentials gives the player four actions!   Individually, each PC and NPC has a quick set of actions in OSR games, but collectively, I suspect turns in Nimble 2e are comparable in speed to those of an OSE PC with 1-4 henchmonkeys. 

Trad heroes are really two to four kobolds in a trenchcoat.

Where some games drag in terms of the combat action economy, I believe, is when the action choices are complicated.  D&D 5e has the worst of both worlds here, with a fragmented action economy that is hard to remember for both PCs and DMs: actions, attacking twice, bonus actions, reactions, opportunity attack, movements, free actions.  Players go down that list of action-boxes, ticking them off and often forgetting one each combat.  Similarly, DMs do the same for monsters, all the while trying to select from a menu of monster options a page or more in length.  It’s stressful, and increasingly slow as the number of choices balloons at higher levels and monster difficulties (parallel-processsing initiative can only do so much). 

This is why Nimble 2e combat works nimbly, I think, with:

•        three standard actions and freedom to choose from a simple menu of choices (it’s a lot simpler to count to three actions then go down a list of 6-7 action types). 
• radically simplified monsters, to B/X levels of complexity (every monster has only 1-3 special things it can do). 

Complicated action choices are not the only things that can slow down games, of course.  There’s a lot to be done, system-wise, in terms of speeding up action resolution (limiting which spells/powers require saving throws, making it easy to run the game without looking at hit-location or weapon-armor tables, simple spells that don’t need to be looked up, etc).  But simple action choices and simple monsters go a long way towards speeding up combat. 

What this means, I think, is that Shadowdark (and other OSR games without minion rules) are overly optimized for combat speed.  With 1 action and 1 move and no minions to slow things down, they are American pronghorns leaving wolves behind in their 55 mph dust.   We could restore a few interesting combat options and the game would still be quick enough, as long as we kept the options simple.

I personally want more options than the standard:  Move, then either Attack (sword or spell) or make something crazy up.  The last is good fun, and can be the best fun, but sometimes you want to just be defensive, or guard a friend, or heck, attack twice because you didn’t move this turn.  I want tactical choices, and while fast combat is great, I think Shadowdark has room for choices that don’t slow things down too much.

Which is why I am making a drop-in combat system for Shadowdark and other OSR games, once inspired by both Nimble 2e and Perils and Princesses.  The goal is something fast, easy to remember, and easy to run at any reasonable party size.  I have been playing it with my weekly group, and they like it very much.  Stay tuned, folks—it’s not a three-action economy, it’s neater than that imho.  If you are not familiar with Perils and Princesses, go check it out!  It’s a good teaser—and I will update this post once my system is out.

So, next time someone tells you that a PC in an OSR game can only have two actions per round, at most, and they have to be 1 action and 1 move, ask them—what about henchpeople?   

My Children's Appendix N: a fantasy book list

I just spent a lovely, hectic summer week chasing fulltime after my kids.   They have grown so much, and I wanted to share a small part of their arc, the one where my partner and I introduced them to one of our joys—reading books.

We both love to imagine other worlds through books.  When our kids finally started reading in earnest, we wanted to pass on our  love of fantasy to them, without dictating what they read.  So we cast books like breadcrumbs in their paths, and tempted them closer.  

Picking the right breadcrumbs was hard, iterative work, and I wanted to share some of the books that have resonated thus far with my elementary-school age kids.  Success has been listening to them construct their imaginary worlds from a rich scrapheap of stories: I hope they will write an inspiring Appendix N one day. 

Here are the fantasy books that are still in their library, a partial but hopefully helpful list for those transitioning to chapter books and novels and wanting to fantasy-pill their kids.  We read some to them, others they read themselves, and many a bit of both—my mom long ago taught me the fine art of falling asleep mid-read, forcing a poor kiddo to finish the chapter if they want to know what happens next. 

In this list, all the books were enjoyed, but the ones that didn’t make a big impression on me personally are grouped with an | symbol.  The // symbol denotes titles by the same author I couldn’t fit on the dining room table.  And I highlight series that make great kid-RPG transitions.

Starting with the younger books (grades 1-3+).  Examples from series are shown (e.g., Baldwin the Brave is not my favorite Mouse Guard book, but that made it easy to find)

Nobody Likes a Goblin (and other books by Ben Hatke): a great picture book, funny, and makes kids think twice about the assumptions fantasy books make about monsters.  Ben Hatke is a national goddamn treasure.

Dog Man series by Dav Pilkey.  Super hero dog-hybrid: graphic novel.  So good.  

Max and the Midknights by Pierce: fun fantasy graphic novel.

Captain Underpants series by Dav Pilkey.  Super hero in a diaper: what’s not to like? mix of illustrations and text. Hilariously great transition book, highly imaginative storytelling.  Also on Netflix if you want to pull in reluctant readers.  A reader’s choice award from my kids.

Hamster Princess by Ursula Vernon (T. Kingfisher).  Cracked fairy tales in a land of intelligent animals. Wonderful and funny and charming, great illustrations and medium text density.   Great Mausritter transition.

Dragon Masters | Kingdom of Wrenly: all good chapterbooks for kids that want some illustrations mixed in with their text.  Interesting stories for young readers and were devoured. 

Notebook of Doom (chapterbook series): Very engaging stories—a touch older than Kingdom of Wrenly.  It’s monster hunting in a weird small town, and is beloved by my kids. 

The Magical Unicorn Society: my daughter loves this ‘nonfiction’ book.

D'Aulaires Book of Norse Myths // Greek Myths: two illustrated books of myths that are just wonderful—kid appropriate and fascinating and well-told.  I grew up with them and they are FANTASTIC.  They regularly borrow them to re-read.  

Mythical Beast and Magical Creatures (DK): a great nonfiction collection of creatures for kids--has real variety across cultures.

Continuing with the younger books (grades 1-3+). 

Dungeons & Dragons: Behold!: a well-done seek and find across busy magical scenes.

Agents of S.U.I.T (Graphic novel): Quirky secret agents combating mysterious threats (a spinoff of Investigators). 

Hilo series (Graphic novel):  Boy superhero from another dimension, with a real twist (he’s a cyborg!).

Dragon Kingdom (of Wrenly) (comic book series): follows the life of a dragon and his friends.  Spinoff from a chapter book series, and quite good, with characters making poor choices and learning from mistakes.

The Mouse Guard series (graphic novels, start with Fall 1152): gritty heroes come small--about mice defending, and sometimes dying for, their homes.   Great Mausritter transition.

Cardboard Kingdom (graphic novel series): kids imagining a fantasy adventure. Emotional.

Mighty Jack // Zita the Spacegirl series (graphic novel series) by Hatke.  Strong male and female leads, stories intertwining as worlds collide.  Imaginative and well written, a favorite.  Great Amazing Tales transition.

Hilda series (graphic novels, also a Netflix show): incredibly imaginative and quirky.  Also a Netflix show.  A young girl faces Norwegian creatures and magic, some dangerous. 

Dreamjumper | My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish | Lightfall: All enjoyable graphic novels and mixed words/pictures. 

Dragonbreath (by U. Vernon): The book target is a bit older than Harriet Hamsterbone but is a boy lead, if that matters to your kids.  The first book has a joke about potato salad that still makes my son laugh, years later.

Now a bit older books (grades 2-4+). 

Ordering them approximately by maturity level:

Return of Zita the Space Girl by Hatke (graphic novel): just out of order here, should be in previous section.  great book they read and re-read it.

Monsters Beware! (graphic novels) by Rosado and Aguirre.  A deeply wonderful and funny trilogy about a plucky girl and her amazing family and friends, fighting monsters in a French-flavored medieval world.  Amazing and beloved.  Great transition to Amazing Tales.

Dungeoneer Adventures // Rickety Stitch series by Costa and Parks.  Rickety Stitch is a graphic novel; Dungeoneer Adventures are mixed words/text.  Both series are gripping stories for young tweens, well plotted and written, set in the Land of Eem.  Great transition to Land of Eem (no surprise, given the authors).

Avatar the Last Airbender (comic books): These books answer questions the animated series leaves behind, like what happened to Zuko’s mom?  The original animated series was fine for my kids starting around 6-7, provided I stayed nearby for the scary parts.  Series is great for adults and kids, INCREDIBLY well done—features one of the best character arcs I have encountered. 

Quest Kids (mixed words/text book):  Good humor, a quest, and kids facing hard choices. 

Greeking Out (nonfiction): Greek myth book, nice depth and engaging, also a podcast.

Minecraft books (nonfiction and fiction): honestly, if your kid gets into Minecraft, it's great.  A video game that encourages them to create, memorize, and play together?  And the books around it are uniformly solid—they will get pulled in and read.

Fart Quest (mixed words) | Lightning Thief (graphic novel): both of these skew a bit older, but have been liked.  I don’t think Lightning Thief the novel is right for kids until middle school—just a very angry young man at first.

More a bit older books (grades 2-5+), with some things we read to them, to right

Things they read:

Wings of Fire (graphic novels, novels): Young dragon rebels.  The story is a bit brutal in terms of violence, but my eldest elementary schooler loves it.

Beasts and Behemoths (D&D gamebook): The entire young adventurer’s guide series is beloved: we started with this one.  DnD boiled down to the good stories.  Great Quest transition.

Tomb of the Everstar Sisterhood (CYOA) by Sersa Victory: A good introductory choose-your path RPG playbook, with great dungeon design.  Hints are obvious and non-diagetic early on, but quickly gets harder. 

Complete the Quest series (CYOA): Pick your party, and use their skills to imagine your way around illustrated obstacles.  Great re-playability, hours imagining.

Mystery Under Magi-Mart (CYOA): Absolutely adorable, hilarious, and tricky choose-your-path book.  Everyone in the family liked it, and the catalogue of creative magic items for sale I got from kickstarting it was poured over by my youngest.  The physical is pocket size and I highly recommend.

Amulet series (graphic novel): Don’t ask me what these are about, my kids devoured them and then we bought all of them from the secondhand store because they insisted they wanted to re-read them.

Witches of Brooklyn (graphic novel): My tween daughter loves this graphic novel series about young witches mastering their powers (and emotions).

Hooky | Okay Witch (graphic novels): I grouped these because my daughter reads these, there are so many good young-witch series out there and these hooked her.

 

Books we read to them (at first, at least):

The Wizard of Oz (novels):  Still amazing after all this time, and fresh in its strangeness. 

The Tale of Despereaux (novel): One would think a story of a mouse and a rat torturer would be completely inappropriate for young kids, but the author deftly threads the needle and what results is an enchanting story that has been read and re-read.  Great Mausritter transition.

Tuesdays at the Castle (novel): A Castle that changes by the day, the series kept going and we had happy weeks of reading.  Has not been re-read however. 

My Neighbor Totoro (novel): I think Totoro is my daughter’s spirit animal.  This book is worn from my wife reading it to her and then her reading it.

The Superpower Field Guide: Moles (nonfiction series): These books convey amazing natural history at a level that is incredibly engaging to kids as young as 4 or 5.  Deeply fun, well-illustrated, and now being read by them all over.  Never look at moles, beavers, ostriches, or eels the same way.   It shows the normal for what it is: fantastic. 

Dragonsinger by A. McCaffery) (novel trilogy): When your tweens are ready for a heroine who runs away from uncaring parents, this one is a charmer.  Pet fire-lizards, songs, and finding your home. 

Ms. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh (novel): Unlike the movie, and very well written, the best books about alien intelligence for kids.  Great Mausritter transition.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis (novel): Despite the religious overtones, which are easily ignored, story pulls them along.

I ran out of table, so I moved some over…

More things we read to them:

Howl’s Moving Castle (novel): Unlike the movie, a gentle engaging magical mystery with little violence.  Great series, but space them out if you start young, ends at tween-age.

The Bartimaeus Trilogy (novel): This book is awesome, who doesn’t like sass?

Impossible Creatures (novel): Beautiful book physically, and engaging—she read this without me. 

Just So Stories (illustrated novel): Rudyard Kipling’s story of how the Armadillo came to be is the truth, I don’t care what evolution says.  The illustrations and stories are warm soup on a rainy day.

The Hobbit (illustrated novel): This is the version that got my kids to sit through the story, which has a plodding pace at times.  What?  There’s an illustration?  Show me dad!  But they are still sad and angry about the dwarves who didn’t make it. 

Harry Potter series (illustrated novels): Giving money to this transphobic witch is like going to Disneyworld: many parents do not want to, but it's hard to avoid.  This series arrived, like many of the graphic novels above, via kind grandparent, and I try to not look in the mouths of gift horses.  But the best part?  They stopped reading the series in book 5, complaining that the book was too meandering (I explained what happens when a star author can ignore her editors, and then about her views on trans folks).  And we still have managed to avoid Disneyworld, but we will see.

The Rithmatist by B. Sanderson (novel): For f&^k’s sake Sanderson, it’s been 20 goddamn years, finish this series already.  A wonderful drawing-based magic system, a clockwork world with a mystery that pulls kids in.  There’s a special place in hell for an author who starts a great kid’s book series and then goes off to write Shardbearer books #1-209.  Dude. All that said, still worth it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blorb is not enough

They did it.  Out of curiosity or boredom or misplaced trust, they pushed the big red button.  The party gave the MacGuffin to the evil priestess, she summoned her evil god, and literal hell is about to break loose.  

Today's post is a writing exercise, because I have twenty minutes to write it.  I have some long posts queued up, but my weekend got away from me and this is what I have: my mental prep for next week's game.

So yeah, last week my players (roving crew of the good ship Murderbucket, stop reading here) accidentally summoned an angry god, and are currently trying to get the hell back to surface before she destroys the undersea dungeon they are in.  They know there is a way back to the surface in the heart of a palace in the middle of the alien city, so that's where they are now.  

At least, that was their first reaction.   Then, over our group chat, they began to coalesce around the idea of burning it all down, to stop her.  And I began to think, wow will happen next?  

Blorb would say, go with what your prep says about the world, and let the players work out the story.¹   And sure, I could do that.  There is technically a way to drop everything to the bottom of the sea.   Well, several things would happen after.  What would happen then to the evil?  I am the GM, I have no idea, I'll make something up.  That's off the map of what I expected them to get to.  

On top of that, I don't know from my prep how the neutral NPCs will react to this unexpected situation. I have to decide for them.  Yep, all the prep in the world is not a shield against GM choice.  Blorb is attempting to fix GM choice in place via prep, so players can work through a 'reality'.  In this case, how the NPCs react is critical--will they choose to blow the city first?  Abandon ship?   Attack the goddess with everything they've got?  

And here's the one thing I do know from my blorby prep--burning it all it down would likely kill the entire party, the way I set up the world in my head, with no chance of escape.   Where's the choice in that outcome?  They released a god.  They know they fucked up, and it was their choice.²   I want to honor that choice, but I also want to not make them feel like I am railroading them out of guilt into killing their entire party.  I mean, they are doing the railroading to themselves out of guilt, but I set this situation up, so...

So what's the solution?  Well, I am off the map.  Time to build some new prep onto my old prep, and build in the opportunity for more interesting choices than morally-enforced, guilt-driven collective party suicide.  Sure, it may involve a reborn Quantum Ogre or two, but I think the world needs more Quantum Ettins--times when the players face different roads, all leading behind the scenes to a restricted, manageable set of really interesting choices.  

Janus, the original Ettin

I mean, I am going to keep party self-sacrifice on the table as an option--what sort of evil, choice-manipulating evil GM do you think I am?  

No, I just want to give them MORE choices, so that if they choose to kick the bucket, they feel GREAT about it.  Thus, the Quantum Ettin--one road leads to self-sacrifice, and the other road....well, wouldn't it be funny if they had to choose between a local good and greater evil?  I may add more roads...the point is, I hadn't really considered what would happen if anyone tried to sabotage this alien city for destruction.  The exact way the machine works is up to me. So in doing this blorby prep, I am constructing a Quantum Ettin--a story where my players have a real choice, with many options.  One they will feel they selected with clear eyes³, even if they all die afterwards.  

Because Blorb isn't enough, especially if it doesn't give players choice--the heart of an adventure game.

1 To quote: "A prepper might think long and hard how many wolves are appropriate in the forest for a good and fun game play experience or a nice interesting exploratory simmy experience but once you're running, you're committed. You can't go around changing that stuff! Things can happen in the game that are too boring, too unbalanced, too easy, too hard but that's gonna have to be OK." Thanks Luke for finding the relevant section I am bending. ^↩

2 To be clear, they chose to hand over the MacGuffin and knew it was a Bad idea. They didn't know about the whole Goddess summoning (accompanied by the standard holy army) thing, just that Bad Things would happen to their mutual enemies. ^↩

3 In a super helpful discussion on the Dice Exploder discord, I think Seraphina hit the nail on the head, "Which, circling around, points at something interesting about blorb- if the players have limited information about the blorby bits they are engaging with, you can inadvertently have a world that doesn’t...feel like it has verisimilitude and instead feels like it’s on rails" ^↩

Breaking a GM star pattern: d20 more ways

Is talking to your players like playing a game of verbal ping-pong?  Is the table quiet unless you are speaking with one of them?  Do you fill the silence?  Then you may have fallen victim to one of the classic GM blunders! The most famous of which is, 'never use your friends as props to write a novel,' followed by 'expecting your players to notice something'...but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never allow a GM star pattern when you are running a game!"  

The GM star pattern was first described by the blogger and Microscope creator Ben Robbins: "When I say 'star-pattern', I mean when the players all talk to the GM but don't talk to each other. Picture the table, and draw lines showing interactions: all the lines go from the GM, the center, out to the different players, like a starburst. There are few or no lines from player to player."  

Now, Ben spent an entire post laying out five potential fixes to the star pattern, including a player fix, a GM fix (the campfire challenge), and three system fixes (GMless games, GM's using group initiative, and GM's running West Marches games).  

But that's only five fixes, and for the Randomness Blogwagon, I rolled an 8 (post on June 8), then a 10 (2000 words exactly), and drew the King of Spades (Ben's ars ludi blog).  So how many fixes to the GM star pattern can I fit into 2000 words?  Time for a random table!

Overall design idea from ars ludi, with bad art from me.

But I must say, before I begin, 2000 words is a LOT of serious advice to lay down–I may get desperate quickly.  Also, I often have the opposite problem, which is getting my players to shut up and decide already on which of their nefarious plans they are doing, so I reserve the right to add a second table, "How to Blackhole your Group", to pad out my word count to round out this post. Without further ado, I bring you:

d20 more ways to break a GM star pattern:

1	GM: Describe an interesting problem with multiple possible answers and no easy solutions.  Then ask the players, "What do you do?"  Then shut up, and listen, and briefly and honestly answer follow-up player questions.  It's time for them to decide what to DO, so stay quiet!  Throw them no ropes!
2	Player: Join forces with your fellow players to stop the game to look up and debate how spells and/or rules work. The more you can say before someone finds the right description, the better.  Do not let the GM do this alone, this is a competition.  Invoke this one at your peril however, because if you are sufficiently annoying the GM may fry you with a lightning bolt.  In or out of character.
3	System: Play a Honey Heist, Cocaine Owlbear, or Raccoon Sky Pirates one-shot.  Steal that enchanted cocaine so you don't revert back to being a non-talking forest animal!  When your group is planning a heist while squinting at a blood-stained map, they are not talking only to the GM.
4	GM: Next time they encounter an NPC, create language issues where only one player can speak with them, and that poorly ("Eh? I only speak a little Elvish! What did you say?).  This designates one player as the Talker-to-GM.  Put your hands over your ears and hum while the players tell the Talker what to say to you.  Then, before they talk, have them roll for comprehension.  If they fail, they can only use mono-syllabic words when speaking to you.
5	Player: When a fellow PC says or does anything to an NPC in character that smacks of a decision or agreement, object out of character and start a 20-60 minute debate about the best course of action.  Even better if you do this mid-combat or mid-negotiation, and by the time you return to the original matter at hand, they still need to finish their sentence and the GM had time to go pee, drink a rootbeer, check their phone, doodle a bit, and completely lose track of the narrative.  That's how you grab control!
6	Player: Talk at length with each of the NPCs, to the point where your fellow players break in to ask if you can all move on.  Then respond politely to their rude interruption, in character, and you are talking to each other, presto!  Feel free to flirt outrageously with the NPCs at any time.
7	System: Next time you don't have enough players for a full session (or you just need a break), encourage one of your players to run a one-shot, either in-world or whatever system/scenario they want.  Let them be the GM and see how hard it is to be at the center of the star pattern.  Help them by talking to other players.
8	GM: If a player is quiet and doesn't talk to you or others much, give them: A) the Talker role for a whole region of badly-accented NPCs, B) a cursed or magical item that forces them to declaim loudly at random times (preferably with a reward for doing so), or C) a pet that annoys the whole party but that they love and want to defend.
9	Player: All player shenanigans operate on the buddy system.  Recruit your buddy, split the party, and sneak off to go do that thing (push that statue, TP the mayor's house, adopt that goblin dog).  No one will mind your side conversation as you endanger yourselves.
10	System: Don't just use group initiative, use speedy parallel resolution to model the chaos of combat: chaos sandwich initiative.  It's a group initiative system where the party goes before and after the monsters, all actions are resolved at once at a rapid clip, and your players will inevitably come up with plans and then have them go awry as they kill the same monster twice in a round.
11	GM: Acquire fake laryngitis at the start of a session.  The show must go on.  Talk softly, in a raspy voice, and say as little as is needed to paint a scene.  Ask the players questions about what they see, make go-on gestures when they are talking, and point to other players when they ask you questions another player can answer.
12	Player: Same as #2, but for zany edge-case antics you have dreamed up.  If you are not dropping 2000 darts out of a bag of holding while flying, or covering a giant squirrel in syrup and launching it off the side of your castle using a water slide supported by an Immovable Rod, you are not trying hard enough.  Make your GM sweat, then help as a group by suggesting all sorts of rules that do not apply to this situation in any way whatsoever.  Bonus points if you planned your antics with your buddy (#9) and/or propose these antics improbably mid-fight or mid-negotiation (#5).
13	Player: Mid-fight, turn to a nearby player and start negotiating with them to borrow their magical item(s).  If they turn you down, ask the next player for a different item.
14	System: Each player is given a role to play in the party.   1-Bursar: The GM doesn't track party money and magic items, and if the party doesn't do it, shit disappears.   2-Mapper: the GM may draw the scene by scene maps, but they erase them as they go.  Players better be mapping if they don't want to get lost.   3-Salmon-of-doubt: This player is there to point out the others' plans will go wrong.  The GM will prove them right about 50% of the time.   4-Scapegoat: This one is the one who answers when the GM asks, okay do you all like this plan?  Feel free to blame them.   5- Chaos Monkey: This player is always looking for a buddy, but in the meantime, they are going to taste the weird glowing mushroom, poke the sleeping owlbear, and put on that creepy amulet.   6-Straight arrow: This player is in charge of remembering what happened last time, taking notes, and otherwise trying to keep the burning train arriving on time.   If your players don't already follow these roles, assign them a role randomly.
15	GM: Give each player loyal minions and/or pets.  Then assign control of those pets and minions to neighboring players, with you making final rulings on things like morale and betrayal.  Remind the neighbors that, while minions and pets are loyal to their individual employer/owner, they also look out for themselves.
16	Player: Randomly roll for a group drinking song and sing it with your buddy every time you want some sort of favorable break from the GM (or just to annoy them).  Alternatively, if you and your buddy don't like to sing, start a serious in-game prank war against them.  Make sure you win the challenge of escalating pranks.  Nothing will go wrong, stop worrying about it.  The more in-game you do to each other, the more you are talking.
17	System: Use a Luck point system (Tales of the Valiant has one that works well in 5e, so does Shadowdark, and Pirate Borg too) and allow players to help each other with rolls by sharing Luck points.  The only catch is they must describe their intervention in-game, and it must be plausible ('I call back down the tunnel, reminding Delg that a good dwarf with a beard like his shouldn't fear a fire elemental!').  Make stuff harder for them, so Luck is needed.
18	GM: When you are doing your campfire challenge, every 20 seconds a players doesn't say something, sigh heavily, pick up 2d6, roll them, inspect the results carefully, and look worried.  At some point, if you do this 3-4 times in a row, something bad happens in-game.  Blame the dice.
19	Player: Play a drinking mini-game: every time there is a new problem/enemy/trap at hand, you must turn to your neighboring player and loudly complain.  'I can't believe this is happening!'  Then ask them how they feel about the situation. Be alert for opportunities to form plans for buddy shenanigans.  And here's the mini-game: if you forget to complain each time there is a problem, you take a drink.  Up to you if this is in-game or out-of-game.
20	System: When you play an NPC in a conversation with the party, talk in turn to each of the PCs directly, as if they were real people and you are trying to be a good host.  Ask each of them questions to pull them out.  Try to draw them into conversation with each other, by asking the next player about what the first one said ("Do you agree with his request, for me to give you passage through my barony for free?  Don't you think it's a bit rude of him to ask me this without even offering a bribe?  Have you two even talked about giving me a bribe?  Go on, I will walk over here and give you a moment to confer.  Make it good.")

And, yes, these are all things my players DO, so if they won't shut up…

 d4 ways to Blackhole your party:

1	GM: As the players continue plotting / debating / arguing in the middle of combat / negotiation / wildfires / chases, every 30 seconds the players keep talking, sigh heavily, pick up 2d6, roll them, inspect the results carefully, and look worried.  At some point, if you do this 3-4 times in a row, something bad happens in-game.  Blame the dice.
2	Player: Point out that the GM needs to describe something.  Follow up with more questions.  End only when the GM notices this trick or their loredump gets to the length of a Wikipedia article.
3	System: Play using grid rules, but theatre-of-the-mind, without minis or markers.  If your RPG system lacks grid rules, introduce them.
4	System: Use an air horn.